Thursday, May 4, 2017

An Ode to Coincidence

Wandering thru Eastern Washington
Yesterday I wrote about a woman in Tucson who asked if I was stuck. I talked about how I defended myself and my home in that moment, feeling defensive per usual, only to realize that she was completely right. Since returning  from that trip in the end of February, things have been different for me. The desires and dreams I have aren't as easy to settle for fantasizing about anymore. I want them too much.

A couple hours after I posted that blog I got home and found a note on my apartment door. I figured it might finally be someone complaining about all the weed I smoke in there, but no! Just a lovely letter from my landlord letting me know that I have two options for lease renewal, since mine ends this month.
I can sign a 9-12 month lease, and see my rent raise $60. Or, I can go month-to-month and see my rent raise $160.

I have a grand love affair with the concept of "coincidence." I call it a concept because I do not believe in it. My feelings always seem to be expressed best (or to their truest nature) with a quote by someone else. What is that about??

"All coincidences converge on the inevitable" -Deepak Chopra

Coincidences are to me like flags or cairns along the road of life. They are meant to be noticed, respected, and revered. They are not random as we have been lead to believe by the very nature of the word itself. Instead they are like the God particle revealing itself, infiltrating our reality with revelation and empowerment if we are willing to capture the chance and run with it...

I am not signing that lease. It might seem like the "stupid" option in a sense, since I am committing to paying way more per month, for now. As it happens, I have a quote for that too:

"The path of least resistance leads to crooked rivers and crooked men" -Henry David Thoreau

The way I see it, refusing to sign a long term lease forces me to leave Seattle permanently within the next 9 months TOPS. Otherwise, I will have paid that extra money unnecessarily, instead of taking the path of least resistance and signing the cheaper lease.

A lot changed in my life in the last six months. Some of the things I have clung to here are still lurking in the shadows of my plans to leave, tugging at my heart strings. Many are not. I had a painful falling out with one of my best friends a few months ago and we haven't spoken since. For a long time her friendship was one of the main things that I would consider in leaving. I've never been one to successfully maintain long term female friendships all that well, so hers meant a lot to me. She was a major source of support and comfort for me, but when we had our falling out, I realized that this was opening me up even more to the idea of leaving Seattle behind.

I got a new job in December that has been an amazing fit, yet for the first time ever I have a boss who knows what my goals are for my endgame. He has told me more than once that he would be willing to try out me doing my job from afar. That alone gives me (and the financial minded side of myself) support in following my dreams.

The truth is that the only remaining things keeping me here are my consideration for other people or my responsibilities to them. There is nothing at all in my own heart that says this is Home anymore. Slowly learning the beauty of L E T T I N G G O .......

Playing the disappearing act in Rockport State Park, WA

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